Monday, January 15, 2018

Comics-Ads: Johnson Smith Co. Presents Kung-Fu for the Pathetically Hopeless

Ah, Johnson Smith Co., ripping off little kids since 1914, and yet they're still in business to this very day. Its really no wonder, because they knew exactly how to market crap to their target audience. I know I got ripped off by them a number of times, but I would still come back for more.

Consider for a moment your average geeky comic book kid back in the day... non-athletic and either too small and skinny or like me just too fat and pathetically out of shape... in other words bully magnets, getting picked on everyday by the bigger kids.We dreamed of getting revenge by somehow getting superfit or gaining the ability to overpower our opponents with unbeatable self defense skills!

Now along comes Johnson Smith with all the answers to our troubles with an ad in the comics targeted directly to us! Kung-fu secrets revealed! Devastate opponents without weapons. Over 350 pictures! Hammer blow! Rock smash blow! lightning kick! All for just a $1.95!

Unbeatable self defense! Fear no man! Learn judo, jiu-jitsu, boxing, wrestling, muscle building... all that shit just from these easy to read, well illustrated, paper-bound pamphlets each for only a dollar or less and get this, up to 95 pages long! Why in just a few lessons we will become nearly super-human! Look out bullies!
Unarmed combat fghting! Secrets of Oriental fighting!. Look, its not just the karate and kung-fu that we all know about, but ate-waza, yawzara, savate and some more shit you've never heard of before! This shit sounds dangerous! I got have it! Your hands and feet become more powerful than even clubs or knives! 200 pictures make it easy! Why, for just $1.25 I will become a killing machine!

And if that's all too hard, maybe you can at least bluff your way out of fights by merely appearing to be bad-ass wearing these fake medals and showing off this black belt certificate that looks authentic! Pin the medals on your t-shirt that has this glow-in-the-dark Bruce Lee iron-on patch on it! Yeah, like that won't attract them and make it worse. No, no, they'll be too scared to mess wih you, you're a kung-fu expert now! Yeah! Time to go mow some lawns. Hey Mom, can I have some money? Dad, you got any chores I can do for a few bucks? What? Oh, I just want to get this giant full color Bruce Lee poster and some other stuff from this comic book. No! It won't be like last time...

Did you ever send off, or want to send off, for self defense courses from comic ads? Leave a comment below, I'd love to hear about your experiences.

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